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Why on earth am I starting a video blog when writing is clearly my best medium?

There are many reasons for this but it comes down to the fact that I feel as tho I have to…

It is so easy for me to retreat into my own intellectual world, and demand that others do the same if they want to know me. When writing an article no-one sees it until I am ready, which gives me the power to polish it to perfection.This allows me to present a highly filtered image of myself.

A video blog takes away my power of control. It forces me out of my perfectionism. I can’t go back and edit out my typoes and creaitively spelled a words. I do not have time to choose my words carefully or reflect on how they might sound. The camera is cold and unforgiving and takes from me whether I am ready to give or not!

Even just creating this first video has challenged my perfectionism to the core. I simply DON’T have the control to do what I want to do. I’m using a regular still-photo camera, which is propped up by papers and sitting on top of a table, which is resting on a bed. I am at the mercy of purely natural light, and have no editing software apart from crude cut and paste. On top of all this I have NO experience in film or video or anything else that would give me the skills or sense to make ‘the best’ of my crude set-up. People spend many years studying this art form. How can I hope to make anything that could ever be considered good? Let alone meet my ridiculously high standards of ‘excellence’?

Yet still, I must communicate as best I can. Then, trust that this highly imperfect message will somehow be understood. Communication is a two way street. I have learned this in a profound way recently. It fundamentally does not matter how ‘perfect’ my side of the communication is… it all depends on who is listening…

So as usual, in this situation, the only option I have is to close my eyes and hit ‘send’…