About

A few weeks ago, at the age of 30, I was diagnosed with Aspergers.

This blog is intended to share insights into my mind that would never be visible from the outside.

Looking for a place to start? Here are some good links!
-A good summary attempting to explain my brain: What is Aspergers?
-Breaking the news to my friends and family: What Aspergers Means To Me
-The beginning of the end of my dreadlocks: What does cutting my dreadlocks have to do with Aspergers?

If you have any questions, general feedback or suggestions for blog topics you’d like me to cover you can email me at:

aspergersfromtheinside@gmail.com

You can also find me on Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter 🙂

29 thoughts on “About”

  1. Aspergers From The Inside, your blog is currently included on our Actually Autistic Blogs List (anautismobserver.wordpress.com). Please click on the “How do you want your blog listed?” link at the top of that site to personalize your blog’s description.
    Thank you.
    Judy (An Autism Observer)

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  4. I have felt my whole life as if I am swimming against the current and being knocked around by everyone.
    It was only 3 years ago that I learned that I have been high functioning autistic…which helped a little.
    But I am truthfully exhausted living in a world were blind unconscious people are classified as the norm and I am suppose to be like them or be alone.
    I have been an open hearted and caring person…while the so called “norm” on the other hand seem to be taking, self absorbed and totally blind to anyone but their own shallow importance.
    Delores Cannon talks about the “waves”,and the light beings…maybe the REAL TRUTH HERE IS THAT WE ARE THE NEW EVOLUTION OF MANKIND…NOT THE BAD LINK.
    Patrice

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  6. Hi, I’ve been following you on YouTube for a while and just found your blog. I really appreciate what your doing talking about Aspsrgers and sharing your thoughts and experiences. All the best, Joanne

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  7. I’m so happy to have found you!
    I have a 20 year old and a 14 year old who are high functioning. I look forward to watching your videos and reading your articles. It’s important for Aspies to help each other. So many doctors don’t understand people on the spectrum, and go to medication only. Keep doing great work!!

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  9. Hi Paul,
    I just found your videos on YouTube… i am an NT with a beautiful, wonderful man who i love so much and who we both suspect is on the spectrum. we have been together for one year. Your videos are helping me so much to understand what my partner needs from me and how to help him understand my needs too. i have always known what a beautiful and unique person my partner is, he is genuine and smart and kind and funny and cool but i had been struggling to know what he really felt about me because he finds expression very difficult. your videos have helped me understand so much and to recognize what his way of showing love means and how to help him believe that i love and support him and feel lucky to receive all the special qualities he has because he is on the spectrum.

    i get very emotional watching your videos because it hurts to think of how people who are kind and loving and giving will still feel left out and disconnected and isolated. my partner is such a cool person and i want him to feel good about himself and included and valued for who he really is, because he deserves to.

    i am a bit scared that for him being with me as an NT means that he feels under pressure to wear the mask as you describe for my benefit, and i really wonder about your advice for striking the balance in a relationship so that he feels he can be his authentic self while still responding to me, and i can help him find ways to meet my needs that work for him without having to feel like he is wearing the mask and that it is the mask i am responding to instead of his true self.

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  10. Hello Paul,
    Second attempt at posting; I never get technology to work first time. I have what is called, “A Very Late Diagnosis Of Asperger’s Syndrome.’ Its a prize for suffering 65 years of life on an alien planet. I saw your YouTube video on abandonment. Yes, I understand. People I have ‘known’ for years, tell me that enough is enough and leave. I work for them, I give them stuff, then I need something – oh dear, another lost cause. Some people have the emotional depth of a wet tissue and we people with ASD are the problem? Well, I don’t care actually. I learnt a long time ago a pet will be better than a human, and growing flowers and making artwork is more worthwhile than all the gossip and idle chatter neurotypicals seem to need. They are so boring! I have a post-graduate degree, but few contacts. I used to work but it drove me into insanity. Eventually, all the crazymaking of others got to me. The bullies see us coming, the users and abusers take their pound of flesh. Now I am returning to pottery and painting, ever so slowly as my fragile state finds roots. I hope to get better soon, I am on chemotherapy, I am going into another surgery end of September – another piece of flesh, another scar on a body that looks like a shark attack victim. But, it is those scars in my brain that are the worst. I have a recurring dream of falling into deeply scarified ground and being buried alive – such is life.

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  11. I like very much your blog… your articles, your videos on YouTube.
    Congratulations.
    And thank you for your work. You’ve been helping me a lot..
    Warm greetings from the Isle.
    Flavio

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    • I agree. I had a very late diagnosis of high-functioning autism, with depression and PTSD, after a lifetime of suffering, the wrong turns, and abuse. I can only describe it as a dog who has been so beaten it will only come out of its corner with a whimper and crawling. Now, I am almost antisocial which does not help me, but I hurt so much. I just had another surgery for cancer, alone, stimming away on the operating table, making the insertion of a needle very difficult. I enjoy these blogs and articles too. Thanks, Flavio for leaving a comment.

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  12. Hi Paul,

    I am very interested in back stories – trying to identify my tribe – and would really like to know how you went from Aerospace Engineer at Boeing to where you are now? I went on a similar path as a Mechanical Engineering and then re-inserted myself into the matrix after dabbling on the periphery for almost 10 years, including a 2-year stint pursuing my Masters in Applied Science (to rebrand myself as a Renewable Energy / Environmental / Building Science Engineer). Perhaps you have already posted this somewhere? Many thanks for sharing so opening on all of your findings, perceptions, solutions, etc. 🙂

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  13. Mr. Micallef: Within the last week, i came upon your videos on youtube. I’m fascinated with your clear and concise explanation of what it is like to be an Aspergian.

    I was diagnosed with Aspergers at age 52. I’m now 61. I was misdiagnosed by a series of psychiatrists beginning at age 33 as being bi-polar. I went through the whole menu of anti-depressants and mood stabilizing drugs. I had about 12 electroshock treatments after it was decided that I was unresponsive to the medications. I finally came upon an open minded mental health therapist who didn’t believe that I’d been correctly diagnosed. After much research on his part, a battery of cognitive tests, and the confirmation of of three psychologists, I was officially diagnosed as having Aspergers.

    I’m no longer on any medications except for one pill to relax me and help me fall asleep. I work at a job and I am also a sculptor. I can’t thank my therapist enough for all of his kindness and help. I have a few friends, but find most of my solace and enjoyment through my sculpting and gardening. One positive thing that has come from my experiences, is that I’ve developed compassion for those who are on the outside or need encouragement. You certainly are fulfilling that mission, too!

    I’d like to become a Patreon. I wish that I could communicate with you at greater length. Do you have time to respond by email? I live in the United States.

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  14. My best friend sent me a link to one of your videos on Youtube. I’ve joked for years that what’s wrong with me is that I’m autistic, but really would never have allowed myself such an excuse. The only thing wrong with me, I felt, was a moral failing – I have all the tools that anybody else does, plus great IQ test performance so all of my failings are purely due to my own decisions and inherent badness. You’ve been a big part of changing that self-image and provided the beginnings to dismantling half a century of self-loathing. I haven’t decided that I’m comfortable with diagnosing myself, but I can say that for the first time EVER, you and a select few other autistic writers have given me stories that resonate not just in some select manner (hey, I can walk on my feet and so can the ducks!) but fundamentally. I can see others who feel like my species, and it’s so powerful.

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  15. Hi Paul
    Love your blogs and content on autism.
    One question- my son was diagnosed as being on the spectrum at age 3 (he is now 5) and the biggest we have with him is his total lack of interest in interacting with others ESPECIALLY kids his age.
    In your experience what are some things we can try to get him to interact more?
    Also, generally speaking is it easier for kids on the spectrum to interact with other kids on the spectrum than neurotypical kids?
    Cheers,
    Supra

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  17. Hi Paul thank you so much for the content you produce. I have not had a formal diagnosis but have done some tests online and identify a lot with what you talk about and how you feel. I struggle enormously with executive function and getting organised are there any appy or tools you could recommend to help me manage my life better in this regard. If so then maybe I can be a little less tired all the time. Thanks again for everything you are doing and know it is helping people.

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    • Alan: Coming to terms with the presence of emotional and cognitive difficulties in our lives is vital. Learning of my misdiagnosis of mental illness when in fact that I’m on the (autism) specturm was quite shock to take in. My journey has been going on for about nineteen years, altogether. My managemwent of life isn’t perfect, but it was surely enhanced by an open minded and caring mental health therapist. He is the one who really cracked the code for me. I’m indebted to his insight. This blogsite has also been very helpful to me!

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  18. I would love to hear from others who suspected ASD but debated the value of a formal diagnosis for a time and later pursued and confirmed it.
    Has a formal diagnosis provided closure/relief? Do you feel that not having the diagnosis and going through therapies like CBT and ACT would have been sufficient in retrospect?
    After watching many videos and reading blogs about the experience of others, I feel an increasing inclination to pursue diagnosis whereas previously, I didn’t feel that would be as important as therapy.

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    • I believe that receiving a confirmed diagnosis was helpful. After going so many years being misdiagnosed, I see the value in having an actual diagnosis. Its much more than just having a name for something. If the diagnosis is not correct, it can have life altering consequences which is no small thing. Knowing something with certainty helps a person do meaningful research which might help alleviate valid concerns and questions and direct a person toward proper help.

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      • Thank you for taking time to respond, Robert. So many of the shared stories about late diagnosis and, in particular, the internal experience of ASD have resonated deeply, as if a lightbulb went off in my head.
        Initially, I thought that addressing the behavioral challenges absent diagnosis would be sufficient, but the more I read/listen, the more I feel a longing to have certainty. I want to know and care for that aspect of myself. Thank you again for sharing your perspective. I sincerely appreciate it.

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